My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
