I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
