I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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