You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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