loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
