it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
