Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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