She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
