fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
