'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
