someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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