Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
