So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize