we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
