i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
