8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
