All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
