69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
