What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
