Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
