i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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