Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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