Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
