he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
