my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
