I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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