So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize