So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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