Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We got so high we made milksteak
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
40s are totally the cure
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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