I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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