Your tits are I can't wait for
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
