So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
