How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
