i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
