There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
