Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
