we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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