I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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