this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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