so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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