how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
