What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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