Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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