i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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