Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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