i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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