Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
