I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
