I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
