I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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