What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
