Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
