my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
