ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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