We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
