i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found the puke drawer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
