guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
