Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
