I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
