Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
