but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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