I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
