I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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