just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize