And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
