WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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