i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
