she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
