I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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