OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize