our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize