i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
