Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
