if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
