Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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