sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
