i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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