Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
