awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
