The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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