when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Vodka?
Forever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
