I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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