I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I forget how to act sober
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
