awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
