you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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