After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
