forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
